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Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
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9:45 pm - on m'a demande
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Remember me? We still haven't really settled in. Sleeping on fold out couches and waiting for our new bank cards to be ready. Our plan was to buy ikea beds and couple other big needed things, but Francois' bank card keeps getting declined left and right even though the money is there. Yael refuses to sleep every night, finally falling asleep around 10 and waking up at the crack of dawn. I am so so glad we made this move, i like my job and we have a lot more security and opportunity here. I know it will get better but I still want a good nights sleep on a comfortable bed dammit. I get home late and there is more work to do. I am starting to look my age. I guess i should get used to that. I dream of having a little camera to drag around with me. It's the daily life things I want to share with the people I miss. The waffles are amazing. Food is cheap. We drink la chouffe and leffe and trappistes rochefort like its going out of style. It's pretty cool here. But hey. I miss family and their voices. I'll try to figure out a way to call soon (note to self, buy phone).
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| Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
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10:53 pm - mudder
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We survived our move, sold as much as we could, gave away much more and threw so much away that I have promised myself I will recycle like crazy and and never be wasteful again. It is crazy how one can accumulate so much CRAP. We arrived at our new apartment and our furniture (that had been stored at Francois' parents place since 2005) arrived just an hour later. Yael puked on herself just as we arrived, and yelled continuously "OH, PUKE!" in the most concerned way. She threw up again later, and then it was my turn to puke my guts out. Good times. I am just starting to feel better. Lots of crazy not so hilarious mishaps in between, but I don't feel like sharing all that I guess. Yael is refusing to sleep as I type this, its 11pm here in Belgium. We are currently sleeping on a couchbed in the living room, which makes matters worse because she can see us whatever we're doing, and it is always more interesting than sleeping. now she's singing?
I have a feeling I will like it here, but we need to smooth out some bumps here and there. I am trying to be calmer and nicer to Francois, really trying. We are both so defensive and critical and deprived of our own time, it makes for quick tempers and it bums me out. I wish this kid would go to sleep so we could frickin hang out.
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| Friday, January 1st, 2010
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9:25 pm - Wow
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What a crappy year. Francois and I have talked this over many times so I don't feel like going into details, but moving back to Indiana was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. Car accident, losing health insurance, making too little money, rarely seeing friends or being able to do anything but worry about money. Whoops. There was a lot I hated about living chicago (mainly the freezing cold, high cost of living and oh my god the traffic) but this past year has been ridiculous.
So now I have an awesome new job in a country I have visited once. Not the first time I have done this. I am optimistic, because frankly it won't take much to make me happy. I just want to be able to pay my rent, take care of my family and make sure we can all go to the doctor when we are sick. I don't want to have a car (payment) anymore.
I am still worried about messing up my credit, I don't know why. I was dropped from my insurance for getting pregnant, and they have refused to pay for the medical expenses of my miscarriage ($1000 bucks). Both Francois and Yael have medical bills of several hundred dollars. If I can't sell my car for what I owe on it in the next week, I will have to turn it in as a "voluntary repossession" which goes on my credit report as a repossession and is about as damaging as bankruptcy. I really hope I don't have to move back to the U.S. anytime soon! I'm trying hard not to think of this stuff. I'll just keep paying who I can and hope for the best.
The icing on the cake, I have been having major heart palpitations for the last couple of days. I am sure it is my thyroid again, but I am trying to not die until we get to Belgium and I can go to the Dr. without fear of the bill. It's really freaking scary. When I lie on my side it usually goes away, at least until I sit up again.
I will try to make this my last bummer entry for awhile. We just have to get through the next few weeks, and everything will be ok.
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| Thursday, December 10th, 2009
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2:07 pm - Remember me?
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So thanksgiving weekend was nice, but the spirit was completely ruined when we came home and saw that we had been robbed. They took our computers, all our instruments, tools, anything that wasn't nailed down. I had a premonition right before we left and I asked Francois to hide the laptop. It didn't change anything though, they still found it. That is all i will say on that subject now, though I am bursting at the seams with anger. Yael was very worried that they had stolen her toys, just about broke my heart.
I didn't sleep at all that night, as I kept imagining people breaking in. I left at 5am for my trip to Chicago, then off to Brussels. I had a huge layover in Dublin. I was so upset about everything that I just wanted to sulk and feel sorry for myself, but as soon as we landed I realized that 11 hours is a very LONG time with nothing to do. So I found the bus into Dublin and wandered around the city for a few hours. It was really nice and calming, and also freaking freezing. I found some shop called Penney's and bought some super cheap legwarmers. I was back at the airport by 1pm and my flight wasn't until 6. Remind me to not do the long layover thing again, unless I have a comfy bed stashed somewhere?
Brussels was nuts. Nonstop action, working intensely all day, then running around in the dark in an unfamiliar city visiting apartments. I barely ate for a couple of days. On Friday we had a big work feast to celebrate St. Nicolas/Sinterklass and I had to keep myself from eating everything on the table. I think I had three desserts. For a few days I stayed at a punk house (friends of a friend) which was freezing but cool because I had my own room and bath. Everyone was so damn nice to me, I couldn't stop thanking them. I drank some good beers, and on Saturday I went to a show where half of Strasbourg was in attendance as audience or performer. It was as if I had never left Europe only easier, because now i actually understand everything my friends are saying.
I found an apartment, in Etterbeek. As soon as I saw the neighborhood I knew I wanted to live there. Very bourgois but also convenient- train, tram, grocery, boulangerie, park, shops, everything within a 10 minute walk. I think Francois will be happy here. I will too.
So now I am working from home and its intense. I gotta get back to that, btw. I'll try to come up for air more often.
bisous
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| Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
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3:01 pm
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Can someone just come and buy all of our stuff so I don't have to deal with selling it? Time is moving so quickly and I don't have time to do my laundry let alone try and take pictures and post all our crap. SO NERVE WRACKING. I fly to Belgium next week for training. I have a place to stay the first thee days but not the last three. I have to find an apartment, I have to somehow come up with money for a deposit, I have a ten hour layover in Dublin, all this in a WEEK!!! And Thanksgiving! I think I am going to pack tonight because i will have zero time after tonight.
I hate moving so much. I better like brussels because i am never doing this again.
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| Thursday, September 10th, 2009
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10:31 pm
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Can you believe how much she's grown? She's currently obsessed with drawing, a cartoon called l'ane trotro and salami. she loves photos and dancing and is a really funny and weird kid. I know I say this all the time but she never stops talking. I'm not kidding, i didn't know that kids this age talked so much!
I started to talk about work but I don't want to. stress sucks, whaddyaknow!
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| Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
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3:12 pm
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I have given up looking for stuff to do. I have gone through my emails, my to-do list. I've revised our marketing letters and submitted them for review, I've cleaned my desk and wandered around the office. I went to CVS and bought chocolate milk and now I have a stomach ache. I miss my family when I'm gone all day at work, and it is extra difficult on the days like this.
Anyway. I could say more, but I am tired and I only write when i'm bummed these days and that's no fun. I miss my siblings a lot today, my parents too and I just want to hang with people I care about and not worry about money or the future or work or anything.
Almost daily francois sends me webcam shots of Yael. They are so freakin precious.
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| Monday, August 17th, 2009
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5:27 pm
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so jerry built me an awesome bike that rides like a dream, but that is overshadowed by the fact that I have POISON IVY all over. i am miserable. Tonight Francois has a dentist appointment and its just me and yaya, who is climbing all over me trying to kiss my boo boos as i type this.
ok she just realized her father is gone and is having a meltdown. ITCH UGH UGH
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| Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
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10:04 pm
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I drank a beer and a half and I feel drunk. This is what parenthood does to you! I'm trying to update my resume but I keep getting distracted by everything.
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| Sunday, August 9th, 2009
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5:54 pm
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IT IS SO HOT. Hot hot weekend, state fair, parents in town, so exhausted. Tonight I see Sarah then I pass out!!!!
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| Saturday, August 1st, 2009
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8:45 pm
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Hi guys, I'm not feeling well. I have been having pain in my lower left abdomen, it comes and goes. The back pain started a couple of days ago, feels like nerve pain. Today I was in so much pain, shooting up my spine to my neck, that i barely functioned with painkillers. I took a vicodin at dinner and now i feel like i'm going to vomit. I have insurance, approved very recently. For the past three weeks I have been trying to make a Dr. appointment. Every day, I am told there is nothing left for new patients, call back tomorrow. I have been calling every office my insurance covers. I've cried at them, I've cursed at them. I have told them they are obligated to see me within 60 days (they are, and no one cares) I don't feel sick enough for the emergency room, or even urgent care. I'm worried that if I went, i would somehow get stuck paying the bill because i didn't discuss with "my" doctor. We are barely scraping by because all our money is going to dental and medical bills. we have $40 to last a family of three until Friday. I am so frustrated. I am worried, waffling back and forth between thinking it is something serious, and convincing myself that I am overreacting.
People who oppose a "public option" for health care try to scare us with stories of long waits, inefficient care, and the loss of choice. But this is ALL I have experienced in American health care, with or without insurance.
current mood:  scared
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| Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
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12:42 pm - and my misfits way of life
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I have been feeling absolutely stir crazy lately. All of the sudden I want out of Indy, out of America, I just want something different and I can't concentrate because I am too busy daydreaming. Not like this would solve a lot of our problems, but I can't stop thinking about it. That and grad school. What do people with trust funds and lots of money worry about?
There is supposed to be some sort of healthcare forum at Senator Bayh's office at the end of August. I think I'm going to go. Hopefully I will get to talk or yell at someone that's makes decisions. It has been years since I felt so strongly about something, strong enough to actually do something semi-constructive. That's embarrassing.
Work is still weird. More and more work and I doubt I will get much, if any, compensation.
Co-workers fighting, everyone knows how tight things are and no one is taking the initiative to do any marketing. I am going to try, but I don't know anything about how to go about it. I am gaining so much responsibility here, basically because everyone else refusing to accept it. Why the hell would you become a lawyer and open a business if you don't care enough to do the minimum to keep things going? Rant rant rant, wah wah wah.
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| Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
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4:44 pm
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| Thursday, June 11th, 2009
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2:49 pm - France 2009
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| Sunday, May 31st, 2009
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9:53 pm - salut salut
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Our time in France is almost up, we leave on tuesday. Like always, it goes by so fast. We've enjoyed ourselves, but it is often more work to be on vacation with a crazy toddler, than to be at home. It has been exhausting. But we've had a good time as well, for once being able to enjoy each others company as a family of three. Playing in the pool in the garden, trekking around strasbourg eating doners and tarte flambes, visiting the bird and otter sanctuary. I am sad we don't have more time together at home. Everyone here expresses their astonishment at our lack of vacation time in the states. Once you have heard the gasps a few times, you start to ask yourself questions...
We arrived with almost empty suitcases, in two days they will be filled to the brim with children's books and wine. Il faut en profiter.
It is so green here, with hills and cows and vineyard and green. And everyone has a vegetable garden. Just today we had salad and strawberries from the garden, plus herbs and who knows what else. Radishes?
Almost all of our pictures are of Yael doing stuff. I've promised myself to take some pictures of the garden and village tomorrow.
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| Saturday, May 23rd, 2009
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9:49 pm - Un elephant qui se balancait.....
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Hello from france. The first few days were raining and sleep deprived from severe jet lag, but now the weather is amazing and we are at least sleeping some. Yael is happy with all these people fawning over her, she's talking more that ever.
I'm hoping to find some time to go on a walk by myself and take some pictures. It is so beautiful here, the mountains and green and cows down the road. We don't ever do much here, just eat tons of amazing food and go on a lot of walks. We go to strasbourg monday, for a few days to see friends.
I really think eventually it will be in our best interest to move back here. We will see.
Today at the park I was talking to another mom who had a 11 month old girl the same size as Yael. Francois mom was talking and mentioned that Yael's mom was American, and then mentioned her godmother (my sister in law, who was standing behind me). The other mom said, "so you are her godmother?" I said "no i'm her mom" and she replied "but I don't even hear an accent!" It made me feel great....i don't know why i need a stranger to justify my abilities but man i really appreciate it. As we were leaving the park Yael yelled "bye bye!" at the other baby and her dad said, pointing at Yael "That one will go far in the world". I hope he is right.
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| Thursday, April 9th, 2009
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11:50 am - Tonight is the night of the first Sedar
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Does anyone know of a website with good passover recipes without tons of mumbo jumbo about all the dumb things like the meaning of it all or things your supposed to do like read form the haggedah or whatever? I am a horrible excuse for a jew and i just want to eat bitter herbs and egg and charoset and remember how my grandma let me dip my matzoh in her wine!
Food!
current mood:  hungry
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| Saturday, April 4th, 2009
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7:39 am
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Why am i awake???? No sleep last night!! I went to bed at 11:30 and Yael woke up screaming like 20 minutes later. By the time we got her calm and changed she was wide awake and talking a ton "mama, papa, dent?" So yeah teething. She didn't go back to sleep until almost two, and then the dog woke me up at six, i let him out and he immediately escaped! So i chased him all over the neighborhood and now i'm wide awake listening to yael and francois snore in the baby monitor. boo i am going to be cranky all day!
Stopped by ben's art show last night, it was pretty cool despite the massive crowds of people trying to be seen. Mostly hung out with andrea. Is it weird that my ex-boyfriend's wife is my favorite new friend???
I really really need to start writing again, probably on paper somewhere. Life just keeps going by so fast and i feel that i'm going to forget everything if i don't start writing it down!
current mood:  awake
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| Friday, April 3rd, 2009
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9:59 am
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Someone come babysit for me on Easter at 6pm, so I can go see Bill Callahan?? Pretty please?
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| Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
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12:35 pm - Ain't nobody's business if i do
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When I am old and have free time again, I am going to sit down with a guitar and learn Davy Graham's "Angi". It's not really an air guitar song, but when i hear it my fingers start wiggling with envy.
photographic proof that Yael should always be dressed by her father:
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bakelite's journal
