looks good on paper

FUCK CANCER

2008-06-28T14:18:39Z

seriously though fuck cancer

bakelite @ 2008-06-19T12:33:00

2008-06-19T17:32:57Z

So I rode to work! And I didn't die! I am actually a little too proud of myself.

The ride: Not so bad, had to maneuver around a couple of double parked cars but traffic was pretty light. My backpack was too heavy and I'll probably have to leave some of my pump stuff at work when I ride. Once a bus came up behind me and freaked me out and I went up on the side walk for 30 seconds. I got nervous once I got close to downtown but I was behind a couple (lady!) cyclists and I watched them to see best places to ride when the bike lanes disappear.

The aftermath: My god my legs are wobbly. I am out of shape! I don't know if it's my thyroid or what but I'm like, still feeling the adrenaline and I got here at 8:30am? Did I mention that my legs are wobbly?

I'm only going to ride once a week until I'm in better shape and have gotten my old nerves back. I'm glad I did it!

time flies when you're.............

2008-06-18T19:44:32Z

Can you believe this monkey is six months old????

Time is just flying by. She's sleeping awful, teething and can't get to sleep, stay asleep, etc. I am so exhausted and some days i'm mad at her, i'm mad at my job, i'm mad at anything that might be keeping me from sleeping. We've run out of breastmilk in the freezer and I never pump enough at work so her last bottle before I come home is usually formula, which she has been refusing or at least crying about. I feel like its my fault. blah blah blah

On a good note tomorrow I am going to ride my bike to work! I am super syked and hope the crazy Chicago drivers don't scare me to death. My whole commute route has been planned to avoid busses.

another picture courtesy of Francois

I are retard

2008-06-09T14:36:24Z

I forgot to bring my breastpump to work. I have to go home or I'll explode! The best is I basically already finished my work for the day.

bakelite @ 2008-05-16T18:39:00

2008-05-16T23:44:20Z

Hi, I have like two minutes before I have to go get thai food. I've been feeling like something is really wrong, heart palpitations, dizziness, anxiety. I thought it was exhausting, but a couple trips to the Dr. and I have hyperthyroidism. Probably post partum hyperthyroidism.. I've been feeling better but two hours ago i ran for the bus and my heart feels like its going to explode. I'm not losing weight super fast but all i do is EAT.

ok food. god i feel nuts

bakelite @ 2008-05-11T10:11:00

2008-05-11T15:19:20Z

Oh hey, a post! It's mother's day and Francois is rocking Yael to sleep. She must be growing or something, she has been so sleepy lately. Sleepy and hungry.

So our lease is up the end of June. And we are serious about moving to Indiana. I have sent my resume to like every law firm in Indy. I got an email but I haven't heard back, I think they want someone right away. I applied for my DREAM job at IU bloomington (International Student Advisor). I have the qualification and its the second listing but it is so my dream job that i can't see myself getting it. Indianapolis or bloomington people, help me find a job? I am an immigration whiz? I just want out of chicago.

We had dinner with my brother and sister in law last night, they were raving about how big yael was (she was like a month old the last time they saw her?) it fell so good, i am sick of people saying she's tiny or asking if she's a newborn. Yeah a newborn who holds her head up and laughs and plays.

bakelite @ 2008-04-18T16:21:00

2008-04-18T21:34:06Z

I'm back to work. Its nice to do something besides baby but i don't have enough work i hate pumping and all i do is think about my family. I would kill to have a day off in the middle of the week but we can't afford it. I really really wish I could figure out a way to do that.

Its getting warmer and she's getting older andI think about is going to parks and hanging out with my kid outside. I full like I was gypped, we had like 2 nice days the whole time I was home.
I mean seriously, could you leave something so adorable?

She loves toys!

again with the toys

hanging with her aunt/godmother

my niece, Cat Power

bakelite @ 2008-04-02T17:49:00

2008-04-02T15:51:23Z

The only things i really missed while here were my family, my pets and my hair straightener. I could live here again for real.

bakelite @ 2008-04-02T13:48:00

2008-04-02T11:50:48Z

we leave for the states tomorrow. i kind of don't want to leave, because then i have to face the reality of going back to work.

i really wish i knew someone with a small baby like mine. i never know what to expect.

dans la foret un grand cerf....

2008-03-20T10:35:08Z

all those candles

this is Yael's second cousin Celestin (aka the campbells soup baby). He too was born three weeks early. he's like 5 1/2 months old. biggest baby ever. Yael thought he was the neatest thing ever. He tried to pull her arm off.

comparison

chillin french style

bakelite @ 2008-03-17T08:28:00

2008-03-17T07:29:46Z

i'm in france. today is my 30th birthday. i asked for a nap.

bakelite @ 2008-03-12T11:58:00

2008-03-12T17:00:37Z

nicknames: ouistiti, monkey, munchkun, milkface

the sun is shining. we leave the country tonight. i turn 30 next week.

bakelite @ 2008-03-10T11:09:00

2008-03-10T16:12:43Z

someone forgot to tell yael about the time change. she is sleeping on my chest and i have to peeeeeeeeeee

France two days!

I have been dying to make a longer entry but its hard to type with one hand.

bakelite @ 2008-03-05T17:02:00

2008-03-05T23:13:25Z

It's been a long week. Lots of crying (the baby and I!), fussiness, and a little better sleep. Having a baby is tiring! She had her two month shots yesterday (at almost three months...we wanted to delay them longer but, yeah international travel). She's had a fever on and off since. I barely slept last night, watching her, feeling her head, watching her. All she's wanted to do today is nurse and sleep. Good news is she gained a pound in two weeks! That is huge for a baby of her size. She's out of preemie diapers and clothes thank god.

The dog has been an anxious, slightly jealous, protective stealer of toys. I've been trying to take him out more and spend time with him- he's so high needs. He's going to be staying with my brother and sister in law while we're gone. My sis in law can bring him to work, so i took him over to see how he would do. He shook and whined a lot, then played with the other dogs. Then he decided he had enough and started scratching at the door and looking at me like "ok this place is cool and all now lets go home! haha social anxiety dog! poor thing.

anyway my babies

bakelite @ 2008-02-27T13:17:00

2008-02-27T19:25:41Z

We leave for France in two weeks. I can count the number of times we have taken the baby out on my fingers and we are going to take her across the ocean. The weather is better there and i am really looking forward to taking walks and breathing some fresh air. I'm also looking forward to no housework and worrying about feeding myself for three weeks. I can't wait for the in-laws to see the baby! I'm a little bit worried about our routine being messed up, or scolding from francois' mom (childcare is basically her life). Ugh there is so much to think about.

then we come back, are home for a week and then i go back to work. I really really really really don't want to. really really.

ask me again

2008-02-25T18:13:31Z

So I had enough of maternity clothes and nothing in my closet fits me, so yesterday I finally ventured out to buy new clothes. It took me forever to figure out my size. I was a size 6/8 when I got pregnant and I'm currently a size 14. This is going to take some getting used to. What's interesting is that my belly doesn't seem much bigger than before...just less toned. My butt and boobs have grown threefold. ugh. At least i have clothes that fit and i'm a little closer to feeling human.

I was gone for like 3 1/2 hours and spent the whole time fretting about the baby. I left francois with a bottle but seeing how she nurses like once and hour and i don't know how much she really eats i was terrified that she would be hungry/screaming the whole time. I came home and she hadn't even taken the bottle! She slept the WHOLE time. She never ever sleeps that long for me during the day. Francois has some sort of magic touch.

bakelite @ 2008-02-24T11:22:00

2008-02-24T17:22:51Z

bakelite @ 2008-02-18T13:49:00

2008-02-18T19:53:08Z

dear baby,

i'm sorry i yelled at you to shut up. really really sorry.

hands free!

2008-02-15T01:45:58Z

She is having her second nap of the day! This never happens. Seriously this is the first two handed post I have made in ages!

awwww

2008-02-13T00:14:30Z

baby beluga

2008-01-31T23:33:08Z

This was taken when Yael was about two weeks old. Please note the size of the cat vs. baby!

bakelite @ 2008-01-29T19:14:00

2008-01-30T01:15:31Z

look at those big eyes! She's almost a whoppin' 6 pounds at 6 weeks.

bakelite @ 2008-01-27T19:20:00

2008-01-28T01:27:53Z

Remind me that if I ever decide to have another kid, not to have it in the winter. I am going absolutely stir crazy and would die to take her on a walk. Plus francois has gone back to work, so weekdays are loooong and lonely. I didn't realize how good I had it until he was gone. Eventually I'm sure I'll feel ok taking her to the store or something, but right now she barely even fits in her carseat. I miss m friends and wish people would visit me.

I'm already freaked out about the idea of going back to work. Yael is so dependent on me...I went to the hair salon and felt wrong the entire time I was gone. Again I am lucky in that francois will be quitting his job to stay with her. But still. I think of all the women forced back into the workplace with six week olds and it just devastates me.

schnappi schnappi schnappi

2008-01-19T21:25:47Z

Whoever came up with the term "to sleep like a baby" must not have had children. Last night she woke up at 4am and didn't go back to bed until 11am. She just wanted to eat and cry and eat and cry. Two nights ago she woke up around midnight, and didn't go back to sleep (besides a 45 minute nap) until 3pm the next day. She's asleep now, thank god. I adore her and I adore breastfeeding but at night I just want to jump out the window.

It's so cold. I cant wait for summer. I can't wait to be back in Indiana and see friends and take Yael for walks on the monon trail and visit farms and sun god i miss the sun.

bakelite @ 2008-01-10T18:11:00

2008-01-11T00:15:19Z

straight chillin'