looks good on paper (bakelite) wrote,
looks good on paper


What a crappy year. Francois and I have talked this over many times so I don't feel like going into details, but moving back to Indiana was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. Car accident, losing health insurance, making too little money, rarely seeing friends or being able to do anything but worry about money. Whoops. There was a lot I hated about living chicago (mainly the freezing cold, high cost of living and oh my god the traffic) but this past year has been ridiculous.
So now I have an awesome new job in a country I have visited once. Not the first time I have done this. I am optimistic, because frankly it won't take much to make me happy. I just want to be able to pay my rent, take care of my family and make sure we can all go to the doctor when we are sick. I don't want to have a car (payment) anymore.

I am still worried about messing up my credit, I don't know why. I was dropped from my insurance for getting pregnant, and they have refused to pay for the medical expenses of my miscarriage ($1000 bucks). Both Francois and Yael have medical bills of several hundred dollars. If I can't sell my car for what I owe on it in the next week, I will have to turn it in as a "voluntary repossession" which goes on my credit report as a repossession and is about as damaging as bankruptcy. I really hope I don't have to move back to the U.S. anytime soon! I'm trying hard not to think of this stuff. I'll just keep paying who I can and hope for the best.

The icing on the cake, I have been having major heart palpitations for the last couple of days. I am sure it is my thyroid again, but I am trying to not die until we get to Belgium and I can go to the Dr. without fear of the bill. It's really freaking scary. When I lie on my side it usually goes away, at least until I sit up again.

I will try to make this my last bummer entry for awhile. We just have to get through the next few weeks, and everything will be ok.
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i hate insurance companies so hard.
one very cool thing surrounding jasper's homebirth this september: during pregnancy, our homebirth midwife told us the birth would cost us $3800. because she is technically a certified nurse midwife (who quit working for a hospital long ago), morty's insurance agreed to pay half of the cost. therefore, we expected to pay $1900 or so out-of-pocket. we were DREADING that bill this october since we were barely able to make ends meet without the extra cost of the birth, but when our bill arrived, we saw that our midwife had actually added a bunch of quasi-bogus charges, making it so that the insurance company actually paid for the ENTIRE birth (though to them it was as if they were just meeting half the expenses.)

other than that, our 2009 was pretty stressful and sucky, too. i was happy to be over it. here's to 2010!
Just remember sissy you are moving so you can stress less, I think it will be far easier for you once you have the insurance concerns out of the way. As for your heart palps it could be your thyroid and it could be anxiety. I get em bad any more myself when I'm anxious, and you have a lot on your plate right now. Just try your best to relax and remember your on to a whole new adventure in a few short weeks!